


Coming to Terms

by kailadawn



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Camping, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Illness, Sex, Thunderstorms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:37:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kailadawn/pseuds/kailadawn
Summary: *second chapter now complete *Steve and Danny go away for a guys trip in the mountains of Arizona. In the wilderness, they hoped to disappear from the problems back home. Instead, everything good and bad between them comes to a head in a remote cabin in the woods.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, but a girl can dream.
> 
> If anyone wants to be my beta let me know!

                The drive didn’t take nearly as long as Danny expected. Apparently, you didn’t have to drive that far to find yourself in the wilderness of Arizona.

                The curtain of tall pines that had canopied their drive for the last few miles, parted to unveil a hidden cabin. It wasn’t as rustic as Danny had imagined, not that he had much reference to draw from, but it did appear to be that log cabin stereotype. When he got out of the car the first thing that hit him was the smell. It was clean and fresh, not that he couldn’t find clean air in Hawaii, but this was different. The air was filled with the scent of pines, the earth, and electricity. Looking up, he could see a pillow of grey clouds atop the trees.

                “Looks like a storms coming,” Steve said with a grunt as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder. “Better get this stuff inside.”

                “Yeah, and not those five minute showers we have back home. More like the real thunderstorms I had in Jersey.”

                “Yes, I know Hawaii isn’t natural!” Steve mocked.

                Steve was bounding up to the cabin, looking lighter and happier than he had in weeks.

                “I didn’t say that.”

                A loud buzzing sound crept up by Danny’s ear causing him to smack at this neck. His face must have said it all, because when his eyes met Steve’s again he could see the anxiety on the Navy SEAL.

                “You coming in or what?” Steve asked.

                “Yeah, I was just debating on how many of those bug repellent candles I picked up at that bait shop I’m going to have to use to prevent malaria.”  
                “You’re not going to get Malaria.” Steve rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the door.

                Danny cursed his brain for not working as fast as his mouth could move. This was Steve’s weekend, as crazy of an idea as it was, it was still what Steve wanted to do. They were both scared, but not talking about it. Neither of them had said one word about it since they left for the trip. Danny wondered if that’s what Steve wanted, just to forget about it for a few days. He took a deep breath and followed Steve.

                The house opened up into something neither of them had expected. It was definitely not a musty hunting cabin in the woods. It a nice size A-frame cabin, with large windows that open up to a groomed lawn. The open lay out of the first floor made the cabin look even bigger. Large comfy leather sofas faced a fire place with a flat screen TV above it. A stair case, matching all the wood on the walls and the floor, curved up from the front door to where the bedrooms where. Danny first, however, ventured to the kitchen. A full modern kitchen will all the amenities. He moved to the window to look out at the back deck.

                “What? Steve!” Danny called out. “There’s a hot tub out here.”  
                The smile of pure surprise decorated Danny’s face as Steve walked in.

                “This place has got a real ass on it once you get inside,” Danny said, still smiling.  
                Then there was that look on Steve’s face. It was a look that was almost always too much for Danny to bare. He looked at Danny with satisfaction. Like a parent on Christmas morning, he looked at Danny with a half smirk of prideful joy when he did something he knew Danny would love.

                “I’m glad it meets your approval,” Steve said, as they went back to the front door.

                “Hey, when you said we were going to a hunting cabin of Joe’s, I was expecting a pine tree limb lean-to. One that sat against some bear infesting mountain that was a million-mile hike from civilization. So, this is amazing.”

                “Well, this is a rental that is actually owned by one of Joe’s friends, but he’s stayed here a few times and said it would meet your approval.”

                “It does. I’m just glad you are without a girlfriend for the time being, no offense, so I could come up here with you.”  
                “Are you kidding we could have made it a double date weekend,” Steve shrugged.

                “We would have to have two girls to make it a double date. We don’t even have one between us.” Danny walked over to the large French doors that opened to the deck. “What we do have though is even better, a big-ass grill.”

                Steve stepped up beside him, clapping Danny on the back. He let his hand linger there a little longer than Danny thought was called for in a hetero-platonic relationship. His eyes moved up to Steve. The hand was warm and comforting on his back, but Steve looked like he was the one who needed comforting. That coy smile on his face wasn’t fooling Danny for a minute.

                Their eyes met and for a moment it looked like Steve was going to say something. He’d given Danny this look several times over the last week. It was everything he had not to yank it out of Steve, whatever it was.

                “Let’s get are stuff upstairs and get some meat on that grill, buddy,” Steve said.

                “Hey.” Danny stopped him. “You sure? You’re not tired or anything?”

                “Yes, I’m tired, Danny,” Steve said, with an aggravated sigh. “It was a long trip, but I’m also starving so I’d like to eat… well...while I can.”

                Danny pursed his lips to hold back any protests he would have normally given. Instead, he nodded and followed Steve to their respected rooms. The bedrooms were on the second floor, and to Danny’s delight, which was more impressive than the first. There were large, comfy beds and big, beautiful bathrooms. There was even a tub big enough for him to soak in. Yes, this was his idea of roughing it.

                Relaxation wasn’t going to come so easy. Every time he began to let go and enjoy his surroundings, a string in his heart would pull tight, reminding him of why there were here. He had thought dinner would help, but it didn’t. They laughed and bickered over grilling techniques and tried to beat the rain clouds that had moved in.

                “Ok, I concede,” Danny said, as he tossed his napkin onto his empty plate. “That was pretty good, babe.”

                Steve raised on eye brow and merely smirked as he cut the last piece of his steak from the bone.

                “Fine, it was great. Your technique worked. Or maybe I was just that hungry.”

                “Did that hurt you, deep down, to compliment me?” Steve jabbed.

                “What are you talking about?” Danny said, his face scrunched up in confusion. “I’m always complimenting you. It’s you who never compliments me!”

                Steve tried to look like he was amused, but it was forced. Something in the room changed, Danny could tell. Steve always had a way of changing the atmosphere in a room with just the change of his facial expressions. The detective was now a season veteran when it came to detecting and deciphering these changes.

                “You wanna beer?” Steve said, rising from his chair.

                Danny didn’t like where this was going, not at all. The mood had changed, Steve was stalling, and it had nothing to do with compliments or grilling technique.

                “Sure, or you could just tell me what it is you want to tell me.” Danny let out a small sigh as he leaned back in his chair.

                Steve didn’t say anything for a moment. He just cleared the plates from the table. Danny grew more agitated with every passing second.

                “Ok, there is something I wanted to talk about with you this weekend. I didn’t want to spoil the trip, but maybe I should get it out of the way.”

                Danny rubbed his hands over his face. His heart started beating faster than he would have anticipated. The stress over the last week had weakened him more than he realized.

                He went to the refrigerator, grabbing a manila envelope from the top. Thunder began to softy rumble in the distance.

                “You brought me all the way out here to do paper work?” Danny asked.

                “No, well kinda.” Steve was clearly as nervous as Danny felt.

                “So, I talked to my lawyer.” He sat back down across from Danny, not daring to look him in the eye. “A lot of this stuff we will have to wait till we’re back home and can sit down with him and a notary, but I wanted to discuss all this with you.”

                “Whoa, wait? Lawyer? When did you see a lawyer? And why?” Danny knew his tone was accusatory, but he could stop himself.

                Steve just rolled his eyes and went on. “In here are the details for you becoming my medical power of attorney and executor of my estate.”

                He shook his head as if he’d been hit in his crown of blond hair. His vision blurred for a moment. All the emotions were beginning to bubble up inside of him, just as the thunder grew louder from inside the clouds.

                “I’ve already talked to Mary, and I want to make sure you’re both taken care of. She’s agreed you should get the house, and don’t worry I’m setting up a trust for taxes and fees that go along with this sort of thing. Mary will get my pension from the Navy and she’s going to give you the pension from state for Five-O. I can’t make you a beneficiary legally, but Mary and I worked it out. I want you to be able to keep going on with your dream of the restaurant. If I can’t be there physically I want to be there for you financially.”

                “Wait,” Danny said, holding up a pleading hand. “Just stop. Okay. Just stop for a minute. Are you talking about paper work for if you…you know?”

                Steve jaw tightened up. He didn’t want to say it any more than Danny did.

                “Final arrangements, Danny. And yes that’s what it is. I have everything planned out, so when something happens to me it won’t be a big thing.”

  
                “Wow!” Danny laughed that little, nervous angry laugh he couldn’t control. “First of all, it’s if something a happens to you and that doctor seemed optimistic at the last appointment. Two, how could you not think it was a big thing. That any of this isn’t a big thing!”

                “I’m not immortal, Danny. It’s going to happen one day.”  


                “See! You’re acting like it’s not a big deal! Steve, you’re sick.”

                “I have cancer.”

                That word cut through the room, almost knocking the air out of Danny.  Much like it did the first time he heard it.

                “I have leukemia. It is a big thing.”

                Steve’s voice wasn’t right. He was holding back so much. Maybe even as much as Danny had been.

                “I’m not saying this is what’s going to get me, but I want to be prepared.”

                “We are supposed to stay optimistic,” Danny replied quietly.

                “I am.” Steve reached across the table and put his hand on Danny’s. “I believe I cat get through the treatments and come back to work.”

                “Work?”

  
                “Five-O.”

                “You’re still worried about work?” Danny could almost taste the angry as the words came out of his mouth. “First, you were mad when you found out you couldn’t work through the treatments. Now, your big goal is to go back to work.”

                Steve straightened himself up in his chair. “What else do I have, Danny! You have your kids and family. It’s just me.”

                Danny just shook his head in disbelief. “You wanted me to come out here for one last trip before you started the treatments, and you want to sit here and go over funeral arrangements with me. And you want to tell me that the only thing you have left in your life is Five-O! One, I’m insulted beyond words! Two, the doctor said that you should really consider retirement! This isn’t just take-two-pills-and-call-me-in-the-morning type of thing. Your body is so beat to hell that the doctor said this wasn’t going to be easy and the recovery was going to be long!”

                “I know what he said, Danny!” Steve slammed his fist into the table.

                The room was silent except for the light bit of rain that was started to come down.

                “I’m sorry.” Steve pushed the palms of his hands in to his eyes, until he was composed. “I understand the reality of it…. But I’ve never stopped. Never. I’m sorry if you’re ready for retirement, but I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it. ”

                Danny went quiet. He got up from his seat and walked behind Steve. He braced himself on the counter. He felt like he was going to explode. There was so much hidden deep inside himself that had slowly been making its way to the surface ever since Steve told him his diagnosis. He braced himself on the counted, leaning over to catch his breath.

                “Danno, babe” There was a crack in Steve’s voice that broke Danny. “Talk to me.”

                Danny snapped up and slammed his open hand into the hard wood cabinets several times. The loud smashing and banging, brought Steve too his feet like he’d been hit by lightning.

                “Well I’m having a hard time coming to terms with your cancer. The thought of you going through treatment doesn’t sit well with me! But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you think that all you have is that job! A job that only gets you shot at, blown up, and, oh yeah, leukemia! I’m ready to leave Five-O right now, because I’m going to take care of you. No matter how much you fight me or end up hating me in the end.”

                “Danny, how could I hate you,” Steve moved closer as he spoke. His hands made an attempt to reach out for Danny, but they stopped. “The last think I want to do is put you through all this.”

  
                “Just, shut up.” Danny’s hands flew up as he spoke, gesturing wildly. “If you haven’t noticed I can’t do this thing, anything, without you. I’ve been given more than one chance to get off this rock and go back to the normal way of life I had before you. But I didn’t take them, not one, because I would rather get shot at every day than not be with you. I would rather wrangle your stubborn ass in this restaurant business to hopefully slow you down, than just retire and walk away. For god sakes, I gave you part of my liver to keep you with me! I need you, Steven. I don’t know when or how it happened, but I can’t live without you in my life.”

                Danny felt drained by the time he was done. His hands dropped down to his side as embarrassment washed over him.

                Steve slowly approached him like a suspect with a gun who he didn’t want to spook.

                “Steve,” Danny said, unable to look at him. “I know that sounded kind of intense, but I mean…This isn’t how normal partners feel. It’s…a whole thing.”  
                “Just say it,” Steve said quietly, standing right in front of him.

                “What?”

                “Tell me the real reason you said all that. Because I think it’s the same reason I’ve done everything I could to keep you here, with me. The same reason I agreed to do this business with you. And the same reason you’re the first person I told about this and the last person I want to suffer because of it.”

                A bright flash of light filled the room, followed by a loud bang of thunder. The rain belted down and beat against the windows now.

                Danny’s jaw clenched tightly before he broke. “Ok, fine! I love you, you animal! I know we say it all the time, but I do. I love you more than I ever knew I could love someone, outside of my children.”

                Steve took Danny’s face in his hands and rested his forehead on Danny’s. Danny’s hands were shaking as the wrapped around Steve’s waist. Steve breathed him in for a moment, soaking up the strength that just being near Danny brought.

                “This is the part where you say something, Steve.”

                 He moved his head and place his lips on Danny. He put more in that kiss than he ever felt his words could convey.

                He pulled away and in a breathless low voice he said, “I love you, too, Danno.”

                Steve went in again, but this time there was nothing tentative about it. They both pulled, tugged, and kissed one another as if they were starved for the feeling of the other. Addicted to something they’d never had and they couldn’t get enough now. The weather raged outside but inside another storm was raging. Clothing littered their path as they stumbled into the living room.

                There was a brief second Danny thought that only moments ago they were fighting and now they were making out shirtless on the sofa. The thought, all thoughts, left his mind quickly as Steve reached to undo his pants.

                This trip was going to be much more than Danny had bargained for. He was going to soak up every last moment in this cabin with Steve, as if it was their last.

 


	2. Chapter 2

                “Wait. Wait, Steve.”              

               Steve’s hands froze on his, now loose, belt.

                “Not here,” he managed to said, through ragged breath.

                “What’s wrong, Danny?” Steve was visibly fearful.

               

                “We are too old and big to do this on a sofa. Besides, there is a king size bed in your room that was made for this.”

                “Oh, okay!”

                 Steve had the biggest goofy grin Danny had ever seen as he was practically dragging him from the sofa and up to the room. The storm was starting to intensify outside. Lightning lit up the entire bedroom as Steve flung Danny to the bed. He began to think that giving Steve more room to work was going to be more hazardous to his health than the sofa.

                The boom of thunder applauded as Steve swiftly dropped his pants. There was little time to appreciate it as Steve started yanking Danny’s pants off as well.

                He had to be dreaming. This wasn’t happening. The storm was exploding outside, giving Danny short glimpses in the dark of this perfect man on top of them. Steve was acting like he had been at sea for months, the way he grabbed and pulled at him.  Danny’s brain shut off as Steve reached down and grabbed the bulge in Danny’s shorts.

                “I don’t want to think about anything else tonight,” Steve said softly, his warm breath on Danny’s skin. “But this.”

                It was fast and powerful. So many years. So many pent up emotions. There was so much he wanted to do with Steve, but his body was telling him there was very little time. Once they were naked and pressing against one another, Steve wrapped his hand around the both of them. It wasn’t long after that.

                When it was over, Danny realized the storm had passed. The room was still and dark. The only thing he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears and Steve’s breathing.

                “Wow,” Steve said, breaking the silence.

                “You’re not kidding.”

                Steve turned to look at Danny. His eyes seemed to convey the same disbelief as Danny was felling.

                “That really happened,” Danny said with a smile.

                Steve smiled in return before he moved in to kiss Danny.

                “I really do love you,” Steve said.

                “I love you too, babe. But we are sweating and gross now. So, get off of me and into the shower.”

                Steve broke out into laughter and tried to haul himself out of bed. That laugh always warmed Danny. Right now, in this moment. Everything was perfect.

                Showered and exhausted, the pair slipped back into bed and were out almost instantly. Sleeping next to someone new was always an adjustment. Sure, they had slept in the same room before, but never in the same bed. Danny was acutely aware to Steve presents next to him. Once Steve had settled into a deep sleep, Danny felt himself succumbing to the after-glow coma that came following the most intense passion filled moment of his life.

                When a pain in his shoulder started urging him awake, it was already five-thirty in the morning. The first thing he did was slide his hand over next to him, only to find that side of the bed was empty. Danny slowly sat up trying to process what happened. Did it happen? Did he really have all six-feet-plus of his tan and chiseled fantasy on top of him a short while ago? He realized he was in-fact in Steve’s room. What was left of their clothing was scattered around the floor.

                It was still warm, so he couldn’t have been up for long. Danny drug himself from the bed, put his underwear back on, and went in search. He didn’t call out to Steve. He wasn’t sure why. Sleepily, he stumbled down the stairs looking for signs of life.

                The French doors were open, the smell of the damp trees and musty earth filtered in with the early morning breeze. In the door way, he saw a familiar figure. He didn’t have any doubt that Steve knew he was there. He probably knew exactly when Danny had gotten out of bed.

                The early morning light was just appearing through the trees. Mixed with the fog, it cast a silver glow on Steve. Danny always looked at Steve, really looked at him. Steve didn’t look sick, not on the outside. Everyone was stunned when they heard the diagnosis. Danny had known something wasn’t right. Maybe it was because he’d feared it for months or maybe it was because he knew how to read Steve. His exterior was perfect but just under the surface there was something. Logically, he knew he couldn’t see the battle being waged inside of Steve’s body. Maybe it was an aura around him or maybe Danny was just crazy, but he felt like he could sense the unseen enemy. He knew what it could do to Steve. What was worse, he couldn’t do anything to protect him.

                Steve shifted his weight and leaned against the door frame. This was his subtle way of showing he was becoming annoyed with Danny staring at him. He didn’t have to say anything, Danny knew.

                “So, just so you know,” Danny finally said, walking over to him. “Big confessions of love followed by amazing sex for the first time with your best friend, you same sex best friend, which is then followed by waking up alone is just rude.”  

                Steve huffed, a smirk playing on his lips. His eyes looked gray in that light. They fell on Danny and he could see the storm clouds. Something was brewing and it caused Danny’s heart to tighten. This wasn’t going to be fun.

                “I just got up. I had an ache in my back.” He reached over for Danny. “But I apologize for my rudeness.”        

                Danny slid himself under Steve’s arm.

                “You ok?” he asked.

                “Yeah,” Steve said, taking a deep breath.

                If he thought Danny was going to buy that for a moment, he was out of his mind.  Danny slipped away from him, to look Steve in the eye.

                “I thought we weren’t going to think about it tonight?”               

               “That was last night. It’s morning now,” Steve said with a weak smile.

                “Come on, what’s rattling around in that head of yours.”

                Steve hardened his gaze toward the tree line. The right words never seemed to come to Steve when he wanted too. Stubbornness held his tongue most of the time.

                “How can I not…”

                Danny reached up and placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder. His eyes never leaving him, only hoping he could give him some strength.

                “How can I not thing about it? I’ve been through my share of scary situations, but to be honest…I am…scared.”

                The emotions were choked down his throat, as Steve jutted his chin up and away from Danny. Then, for the first time in a while, Danny was at a loss for words. His heart was tearing in two.

                “Look, don’t worry about it, Danny.”

                He had taken too long to respond and now Steve was pulling back. This was not the time for Danny to clam up now.

                “I’m scared too,” Danny replied quietly, but loud enough to stop Steve in his tracks.

                “I’ve been through so much with you. I’ve flown around the world, to some of the darkest places, just to bring you home. Now. This thing. I can’t enlist the Navy to help me chase the enemy down. There’s no bomb to defuse. There no one for me to kill. All I can do is stand by your side.”

                His heart pouring onto the floor, he looked up and met Steve’s eyes. They were filled with tears that he was trying to desperately hold back.

                Danny straightened himself up, he needed to be the strong one. “And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be there, I already planned on being there, for every step of the way. Appointments, treatments, everything.”

                “You’ve always been there, Danno. Even when I pushed you away.”

                “That’s right. I’d do anything for you. You know that.”

                “Will you shave your head?”

                Steve had a small smile of his face. The light was returning to his eyes.

                “Shave my head?”

                “Yeah, I’m probably going to lose my hair.” Steve said, with a shrug. “Sometimes, loved ones of cancer patients shave their heads in solidarity.”

                Danny took a deep breath. If Steve only knew that was hesitating longer about shaving his hair than when he offered up a piece of his liver for Steve.

                “Yeah,” Danny finally replied, with the same nonchalant shrug.

                “Really?” Steve probed

                “Yes! I was young once, Steve. I’ve had a shaved head before.”

                Steve just smirked.

                “But, I’m a firm believer in positive thinking, Steven.”

                “Since when?” Steve said mockingly.

                “And I believe, everything is going to work out fine. This is just another bump in the road for us. Something that will unite us. And I would like, and think we need, to enjoy the rest of our time here together.”

                “I’ll try looking on the bright side like you, Danno,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.

                “I can literally feel your sarcasm, but that’s ok,” Danny’s hands moved as dramatically as he was being. “I’m going to be the bigger man and walk away. And into the kitchen to make some breakfast, before we have to go to that mosquito breeding ground you call a river.”

                “And he’s back,” Steve said with a smiled, as he draped his arm over Danny’s shoulder.

                He couldn’t remember a time he was more active this early in the morning on vacation. Yet, there Danny was, standing on the banks for a river in the middle of nowhere. The summer sun had made it over the trees and starting to warm up the land after last night’s rain. So far, the men had had moderate luck fishing. Steve wanted to get a few trout for dinner tonight. He was going to be doing the cooking, not that it needed to be said. There was no way Danny was going to be cleaning fish.

                “Son of bitch,” Danny said, jerking his line.

                His foot started sliding on a wet rock on the water’s edge. He wobbled for a moment, before regaining his agitated composure.

                “Careful, buddy,” Steve laughed. “Don’t want to get that perfect hair wet.”

                “Bit me,” Danny grumbled.

                “You think the kids would like this? I know they’ve camped before, but something more remote like this.”

                “Sure,” Danny shrugged.

                “Really? Maybe we could plan something…later.”

                “As long as we have cell service, Grace will be fine. And there are plenty of dirt and mud, so Charlie will be fine.”

                “How do you think they are going to feel about us?”

                Steve didn’t look at Danny as he posed his question. He merely cast his line out and kept a watchful eye on it. Danny noticed he did these sorts of things when he didn’t want to seem too vulnerable.

                “I think they’re gonna be a little surprised, just like everyone else is. But they’re going to love it. Grace already teases me about you. I mean, they know gay people so this isn’t going to be a trauma or anything. I think first, out of respect, we talk to Rachel.”                

                “Yeah,” Steve agreed. “So, um, do they know about you? Or does Rachel?”

                “Know about me?”

                “You know?” Steve was getting flustered and Danny loved it. “About what you are? I mean…what are you?               

             “I’m a human, Steve. A man. If you’re asking my sexual preference, I think you have seen from last night, I am attracted to males and females. I never really put a label on it. Or discuss my sex life with my kids.”

                “Rachel knows though?”               

               “Of course, we were married.”

                “So, you’ve been in relationships with other men?”              

               Danny really wanted to make a snarky remark about all the questions, but he kept cool. Steve rarely opened up and this could be a chance to get into more of Steve’s past than he ever had before. So, for now he would play along.

                “I wouldn’t call them relationships, exactly. Most of my experiences came in the nineties. It still wasn’t a greatly accepted thing. Especially in my neighborhood. I went through a wild phase, I’ve kinda touch on that with you before. I went to New York a lot in college and discovered all kinds of things. Then I became a cop, then I met Rachel.”

                There was a pause between them. Danny didn’t want to spook the big guy away so he let him soak in the information.

                “So, what about you?” Danny finally asked.

                “Me?”

                “Yeah, Barbara Walters, I’m asking the questions now,” Danny said, with a smile.

                “I never gave myself a label either. Mostly, that comes from being career Navy. My experiences usually happened over-seas, quick and impersonal.”                

                “By quick, do you mean just some rubbing, tugging, sucking?”                

                “Danny!”

                If Steve would have had pearls on Danny knew he would be clutching them right now.

                “What? You’re supposed to be honest about your sexual history with your partner. Besides, when did you become so prim and proper.”

                “I…I’m not…I just never said any of this out loud.”

                “Well, it’s time to start. Me, I’ve done it all. Safely! As you know, since you have part of my internal organ in there, I’m perfectly clean and healthy.”

                “All? So, kissing?”

                Danny jerked his head to meet Steve eyes, he had to be joking.

                “You’ve never kissed a man?”                

                “Well,” Steve looked away and shrugged as he spoke. “Last night.”

                “I’m the first man you ever kissed?”                

                “Why do you sound so shocked?”

                “How can you not believe I’m shocked? So, when you say quick experiences, you just mean you got drunk and got the job done quickly.”

                Steve took a deep breath. “Fine, I’ve only ever used my hands on a man. I’ve been given oral, never gave it. Never kissed, kind of a rule of mine.”

                “Wow.” Danny seemed to drift off somewhere as he processed it all. “I feel like an artist with a new pallet of paint.”

                “Danny!”

                “I’m serious, this practically virginal thing is turning me on.”

                “So you’ve had…anal with a guy?”

                “With guys and girls, yes. Both receiving and giving end. That includes my time with Rachel.”

                “Rachel? You mean she…did that to you.”

                “Ok, Miss Margret, you really need to get over the fear of naughty words. But yes, it seemed like every time we hit a rough patch she would bring up the idea of pegging. Later, she said it was mostly because she didn’t want me to feel like there was something missing in my life that I had to go find. God love her, but she was confused about how real relationships work.”

                “At least she won’t be too shocked when we tell her. I don’t know about everyone else will feel.”   

                “Yeah. I haven’t really talked about it either, to many people. But all of our friends and family love us. I don’t think it’s gonna be a whole thing. But if it is, screw ‘em.”

                “You have a lot more people to tell than me. I know Mary won’t think twice about it. She’ll probably say she knew the whole time. I’m worried about what your family will think. Maybe we should ease into telling people.”

                “Ease into it? Are you afraid to tell people we are together? We are together aren’t we?”

                “Calm down!” Steve urged. “I’m not going to hid you from anyone. I’m just saying let’s do it one step at a time. I don’t want a big coming out party.”

                Danny ran his fingers through the disaster that was his hair. His partner only fidgeted beside him.

                “I love you, Danny. More than anything in this world and I want everyone to know. It’s hard. I still feel like I’ll be sent up for court-martial.”

                “I get it, babe. I do. And I love you, too. We’ll figure it out.”

                Just then, Danny’s poll snapped forward in his hand. There was something on the line, something big.

                “Oh, shit!” Danny tried to set the hook as Steve went for his phone.

                “Not too fast!” Steve called out as he filmed Danny.

                “When did this river get tuna!”

                Steve just laughed.  “I don’t think you’re going to break your record after that tuna back home, buddy?”

                Danny took a small step forward and tried to get his footing.

                “Let him fight it out! Were him down.”

                “Stop back seat fishing me!” Danny yelled back.

                 He tugged hard on the poll which cause his foot to slip on the wet rock underneath him. Sensing the fall, Danny tried to correct it. He held on to the poll as he wobbled back and forth, only slipping further on rocks deeper in the water. The result was a hilarious video Steve shot of Danny falling ass first into the cold water. The cursing from Danny and the laughter from Steve drowned out the sounds of the river around them.

                Danny got over the incident quickly. It helped that Steve had set up a little lunch for them, under the shade of some pine trees. He was feeling good. On the deepest levels, Danny was really feeling positive about everything in his life. He let go of all the hard parts that were going to creep up and just enjoyed being fully honest and in love with Steve.

                When they made it back to the house, Steve went to work on cleaning the fish. Danny decided to use the hot tub while he waited for his dinner.  He was a few beers in, completely zoned out to the world, when Steve stepped out onto the patio.

                “Feeling relaxed, dear,” Steve joked.

                “I am,” Danny said, not wanting to open his eyes. “Where’s my dinner?”

                “Almost ready. I came out here to tell you it was time to get out of the tub.”

                Steve walked over to the edge of the hot tub, staring hard at the water.

                “Are you naked in there?”

                “Maybe. Wanna come in and find out?” Danny said,  moving to face Steve by the edge of the tub.

                “Dinner first. Play later,” Steve chanted, as if he were convincing himself as much as Danny.

                “Fine. I have plans for play time anyway,” Danny said mischievously.

                “Really?”

                “Yup. A few more beers. A fish dinner. And the coconut oil you brought.”

                Steve was trying to add it up in his head, but it wasn’t computing.

                “Why do you want the coconut oil?”

                Danny raised up bracing himself of the edge. The top of his round ass breaching the water’s surface.

                “You need it. Because you’re going to fuck me.”

                He was glad Steve wasn’t holding anything in his hand, because he would have dropped it. Steve’s lips were parted and his eyes large with shock.

                “I…am?”

                “You are,” Danny smiled. “You’ve had anal with women before, right?”

                “Well, yeah.”

                “Good, then I don’t have to break down exactly what’s going to happen tonight.”

                Steve shook off the haze he had been in and dove for Danny. He cupped his face with is large hands, devouring Danny’s lips. Danny grabbed a hold of Steve’s waist just so he didn’t fall over. Steve started tugged at his shirt, slipping it over his head.

                “Whoa, wait!” Danny held up his hands. “Dinner first, remember? Those fish cannot have died in vain.”               

            “We can feed them to the bears later,” Steve said, moving in for Danny.

                “Steven! No! You eat dinner and if you’re good you get dessert.”                

                A wicked smile played on Steve’s lips. He was getting into this game of seduction Danny was playing. Danny had to admit he was pretty damn excited too, but he was going to make Steve suffer first.  He hopped out of the hot tub and dried himself with the towel. He picked up his shorts only to toss them at Steve as he walked by. His bare ass led the way, guiding Steve to the dinner table.

 


	3. Chapter 3

                 This was too much, far too much for Danny. Again he found himself in Steve’s arms. Steve had finished his dinner in record time. He had to admit that it stoked his ego to know much dinner drove Steve crazy. Danny hardly made eye contact as he ate. He had just sat there, naked, enjoying his meal. It felt like the moment he sat his fork down on the plate Steve pounced. He was hauled up stairs and tossed onto the bed.

                Steve had never done this before, not with a man at least. He was tentative, bordering on cautious, as he entered him. He had to admit that being Steve’s first male lover stoked his ego too. Between the booze and a decade of sexual frustration, there was no issues getting started. Steve fit inside of him perfectly. It felt perfect. Everything was perfect.

                Once his confidence was up, Steve flipped Danny onto his back. Steve was harder than Danny thought a man could ever get. A thin sheen of sweat clung to the perfect muscles that were drawn tight on Steve’s body. Then his thrust started hitting that perfect spot. He started seeing stars. This was what perfection felt like. It was all Danny could do to stay still. He certainly wasn’t quiet. A string of curses and gasps slipped away from him. Steve perked up at the response, hungry for it. He thrust into Danny several more times, before the air left Danny’s body as he climaxed. He’d never done that without his cock being touched before. He was dizzy from it. Steve followed suit, emptying into Danny before nearly collapsing into him. Again, then men found themselves in a blissful sweat mess in the bed. In that moment, there was nowhere on Earth Danny would rather be.   
               

                This time when Danny woke up in the morning he found Steve next to him. Actually, it was more like he was sprawled out next to him, taking up the majority of the bed. Sunday would be there last day in Arizona. They would be packing up on Monday morning and head back to Hawaii. The plan was to do some more hiking and get some nice pictures. The natural beauty in this place was undeniable. So vastly different from Hawaii and his old New Jersey. Danny had really begun to relax and put their uncertain future on the back burner.

                The new couple made it home just after sunset and made their last meal in the cabin.  Danny was so sure Steve was going to drag him back to the bedroom after dinner. But he didn’t. Instead, he excused himself. There was some important email he needed to look at. Steve had his work face on and it disappointed Danny. There were only a few hours left of their time here and he was letting work get in the way.

                Danny didn’t say anything. He just cleaned up in the kitchen and started packing up his things in the bedroom. The peaceful fog he was living in that morning was quickly burning off with all the anxiety and anger that was stirring in him.

                Steve appeared in the door way after forty-five minutes. His face was glued to his phone, only adding to the Danny’s annoyance.

                “And he returns, just as I finish packing,” Danny grumbled.

                “What? You didn’t have to do that for me.”

                “Wasn’t anything else to do. Did you handle your business?”

                “Yeah, the Governor was strongly voicing her concern over the future of Five-O. She tried to mask it with her concern about me, but I knew what she meant.  I was also downloading our pictures to my computer. We have a couple really good ones of the two of us that I’d like to print for the house. I want to remember what I looked like before I start treatment.”

                “What did tell her?” Danny sat down on the bed.

                “I told her there was no need for concern. I had an idea.”

                “When Steve McGarrett says he has an idea everyone should be concerned.”

                Steve just rolled his eyes and started moving the suit cases, Danny had packed up, off of the bed and over by the door.

                “She’s worried about public concern if they find out about my illness and our temporary absence. Plus, there is a ton of paperwork I have to sign off on. I also made a few interesting e-mails.”

                “Temporary absence,” Danny said, thoughtfully nodding his head. Each work searing on his lips. “Our temporary absence.”

                Steve took a deep breath and met Danny’s eyes. His hands on his hips, he was already becoming defensive.

                “Yes, what happened to staying positive? I’m going to come back from this.”  
                “You are. I agree, but you’re going to go back to Five-O after it?”

                Steve tossed his hands up in the air.

                “After this weekend, I thought you’d see there is a real shot at us having a normal life together. Be normal couple, with a normal business, and raise somewhat normal children. You know? Without spending our days with people trying to kill us and the ones we love. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense!”

                “Danny, listen. I don’t know if I’m ready….”

                Danny shot up off of the bed. The full extent of his Jersey attitude was out as his hands wiped around his body.

                “And I’m not ready to go through cancer treatment, just to watch you go back out there and try to get yourself killed. I won’t do it Steven!”

                “I’m the one going through treatment! But that’s not the point! If you’d just listen…”  
                “No! No! Stop! First, I know it’s you who has leukemia. But believe me I’m going to be going through it, with you. You’re scared. So am I. I’m scared to death. Watching you get sick and go through something I can’t fight with you, terrifies me. I’ve seen you bloody and broken too many times. Every time a part of me is broken too. I can’t keep doing this, we can’t keep doing this, it will kill both of us.”  
                  
                Steve stayed silent. He was frozen in place, his face stern, but Danny could see he was getting the idea.

                “God damn it, Steve I just got you. I don’t have to hide and pretend anymore. Why is it so much to ask that we try to build a life, a life without bullets and fear? You’ve served your country and the people of this state as best you could, better than most. Even you, even if you don’t believe it, deserve the good life.”  
               

                There was a long intake of air from Steve. His head was pointed to the ground, but Danny could see the time cables in his neck tensing with anger. This was about to go very bad very quickly. Danny wasn’t afraid. They’ve had it out before. He wasn’t afraid to do it again. He would do it forever until Steve realized he was worth living a good and happy life.

                Steve’s head snapped up. His eyes were glassy with emotion, but his jaw was tight with suppression. He turned on his heal and stormed out of the room. Danny was dumfounded for a moment. His brain finally rebooted and he managed to start following Steve. He only made it to the top of the stairs when he heard the front door slam. Judging by the way the pictures shook on the wall, Danny knew it may be too dangerous to follow him now. Even though he did want to. He wanted to chase after him, tackle him, and hold him down in the mud till he saw his side of things.

                Danny reluctantly opted for a beer instead.


	4. Chapter 4

He wasn’t worried. He wasn’t worried at all about Steve being out in the woods after dark. This was Lieutenant Commander Hard Ass. Super Seal. Rambo meets Jason Borne. This was what Danny told himself, but in reality he laid in bed staring at the wall. It was almost midnight and Steve hadn’t come back. Danny told himself that he needed to get some sleep and Steve just needed to cool down. Any second now, Danny was about to lose his mind.

                He needed to find Steve. Danny reached to removing the sheet covering him, when he heard a noise. The front door had closed. It was gently closed this time. Danny rolled on to his back and waited. He didn’t hear him, not until the bed shifted as Steve crawled in. He laid on his side facing Danny. Neither man spoke for a long moment.

                Steve reached out first. He draped his large arm around Danny’s middle and he pressed his forehead against Danny’s shoulder.

                “Danny. You awake?” Steve whispered.

                Danny grunted a reply.

                “I want you to know something,” Steve said in the dark. His voice was quiet, almost submissive. The dark somehow made it easier for Steve to be more vulnerable. “You…you’re the only thing that has made sense in my life.”

                Danny hadn’t realized he was holding his breath, not until he felt Steve’s fingers. They were pressing into his skin. Clinging. Steve was actually being vulnerable and clinging to Danny.

                Danny lifted his arms and Steve took the invitation, resting himself as close to Danny has he could. In return, Danny wrapped his arm around Steve and kept quiet. He gave Steve what he needed, unspoken love. The stress began melting off of Danny just enough that he was able to drift off to sleep.

                The next morning was still tense, or it would have been if Steve were around. He had loaded up the bags in the car, but had been outside on the phone for the better part of an hour. Danny didn’t know what to make of anything. This trip had dealt him some heavy highs and lows.

                He had been watching Steve through the window for the past five minutes. His back was turned but he just knew that it wasn’t the most pleasant of conversation he was having. He kept running his hand through his short brown hair, and shifting his weight between feet.

                When he moved the phone away from his ear and turned to look at Danny through the window. He knew he had been watching. It was just one of those freakish McGarrett things. He took long strides back to the house. He moved with stern confidence. Danny knew he’s come to some kind of decision and he was about to give orders. Danny sunk back in to sofa and awaited the impending fight.

                “Hey,” Steve said, as he walked through the door.

                “Everything alright?”

                Steve nodded and smiled, “Yeah. But I need to talk to you.”

                “Can I just say first that I’m sorry I spoke over top of you last night. Like I’m doing now. But I’m done. So go ahead.”

                Danny ran his hands through his hair nervously. He couldn’t believe how nervous he was.

                Steve sat next to him taking one of Danny’s hands in both of his.

                “I’ve done something.”

                “Oh God,” Danny sighed.

                “No, seriously. I’ve done something that you say I rarely do. I’m compromising.”

                “You comprising isn’t rare like a Bengal tiger. It’s extinct like sabretooth tiger.”

                “You’re talking over me again.”  
                “Sorry,” Danny coughed.

                “I don’t have to pretend anymore. Neither of us do, like you said. I never in a million years thought I would have a chance at a family, until I came back home and met you. You gave me the desire to create our little island of misfit toys style family. I thought being uncle Steve and your partner were as close I was ever going to get to the one thing I never knew I wanted so badly. And I was fine with that. Now I’m not.”

                Danny straightened up in his seat. Hearing Steve open up to him was a rare and beautiful thing.

                “I want more. I want all the things you said last night. Normal. Somewhat. As normal as we could be together,” Steve smiled nervously. “Now to the compromise. I just got off the phone with Chin and Kono. We’ll I guess it started last night. ”

                “What?” Danny asked.

                “I didn’t get to tell you last night because Mount Saint Williams erupted, but we had an email conversation about what was happening. I followed up with them this morning and they’ve agreed to come back to Five-O.”

                “Are you serious?” Danny smiled.

                “Yeah. Chin is going to take my place. He feels he’s set up a good team in San Fransico and he’s ready to bring his family home. Kono was ready to come back home too.  So they will fill in the missing pieces.”  
                “Until?”  
                “No, until. I’m not going back, Danny. You were right.”

                “Wait. What? I’m sorry. I think I just had a stroke, did you just say I was right?”  
                “Yeah, yeah,” Steve pushed Danny playfully. “I’m serious. I want more, everything, with you. A normal life. As normal as we can be.”  
                “What’s the compromise part.”

                Steve took a deep breath, “I’m going to stay on as a consultant once I’m in remission. Then I’m going to train recruits, maybe even teach a tackle class in the academy. That way I still feel…you know?”

                “You want to do enough to keep your justice league membership card. I got it.”  
                “What do you think?”

                “What do I think?” Danny cupped Steve’s face in his hands. “I think you’re beautiful. And I love you. And I love being right.”

                “I love you, too, Danno.”

                Steve laughed and pulled Danny into his arms. This was a huge victory, but the war hadn’t been one yet. However, Danny was going to revel in this win for a while.

                “Come on. We have a plane to catch,” Steve said, pulling Danny to his feet.

                “About that. We go out that door and nothing in our lives is going to be the same, ever.”  
                Steve walked to the door and pushed it open. He turned back and smiled at Danny, holding out his hand to him.

                “You ready, babe,” Steve said.

                Danny smiled widely and followed Steve out the door.   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the love. It's been a really long time since I've written McDanno or any fanfic. Hope you enjoyed the ending. xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in a long time, so encouragement is always welcomed. I will be posting more very soon.


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